How To Get Fired At Your Office Christmas Party

Recently a few friends were talking about their upcoming holiday parties.  I chuckled because now my holiday party is just my husband and I.  Every year, we celebrate at a fancy restaurant while the kids are at church group.

Before I went freelance, I ran a law office in the municipal sector for years.  It was definitely an interesting job and holiday parties were occasions to remember.  When you coordinate these events with attorneys, mayors, chiefs of police, superintendents of schools and other government officials - believe me, things get wild!

With memories of past holiday parties in mind, I decided to compile a brief list of "How To Get Fired At Your Office Christmas Party (For A Better New Year)" (many might be based on actual events):

1.  Make photocopies of your butt and distribute them throughout the building.  This is even more effective if you use two or more rear ends.  We know how porn makes you popular.  Think Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian.

2.  Make sure to bring half the buffet home in the oversize tote bag you brought along.  Leaving a trail of crumbs behind is a telltale sign of your success.  Maybe you can hit the bathroom for a couple of rolls of toilet tissue.  If the supply cabinet is open, you hit the jackpot.  Take everything you can - it's Christmas, isn't it, the time for giving and receiving?

3.  Drink, drink and drink some more.  After all, if it's free it's for me, right?  Get completely crap-faced so all your words are slurred.  When people get closer to try to understand you, shower them with saliva while you shout in their ear.

4.  Use drinking as an excuse to tell stuff you shouldn't.  Tell the competition all the company's proprietary secrets so the company realizes your actual worth.  Let your boss know the guy in the next cubicle steals office supplies.  Spread the news and share the joy for the holidays.

5.  Flirt outrageously.  Sit on your boss' lap.  Proposition the CEO.  Best of all, hit on the boss' wife.  She will appreciate the attention and he gets tired of her nagging anyway.  Dance with her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear so everyone sees your skill with the ladies.

6.  Dance on tables.  Sing loudly off-key.  Make sure everyone knows who you are.  After all, you do want recognition in the office, don't you?  How can you get ahead if nobody knows who you are?

7.  Circulate a petition about the company.  Demand higher wages and more generous bonuses.  Tell your boss the holiday party is a freakin' write off for the company and you'd rather see the money in your pocket.  Let the boss know you can't be duped just because it's the holiday season!  You know an Ebenezar Scrooge when you see one.

8.  Wrap an empty box for the company grab bag.  Chuckle when the menacing mail room guy gets it.  Take an extra gift when it's your turn and refuse to put it back.  Get everything you can and give nothing because the company owes it to you.

9.  Bring a date who isn't afraid to speak up about corporate injustice and the tyranny of traditional employment.  Make sure your date has plenty to drink.  Whisper suggestions in your date's ear to encourage additional commentary.  When your boss and co-workers get offended, make the excuse you didn't know your date had such a problem holding their liqour.

10. Don't attend the holiday party at all.  Talk trash about your boss and the office everywhere you can.  Create a blog dedicated to the latest "news" about your company.  Prove your independence and ability to think on your own.

11.  Attend the party with a hidden digital camera.  Take pictures of your boss necking with the receptionist in the coat room.  Distribute said photos all over every social and business network on the Internet.  After all, didn't Britney Spears prove bad publicity is better than no publicity at all?

BONUS TIP: Bring your own copy of "You Can Take This Job and Shove It".  Rather than coordinating Christmas carols (how boring and predictable is that?), get everyone to sing about shoving their jobs in unison.  There's nothing like unity during the holiday season.

If you get fired, remember the company just can't handle someone like you with knowledge, communication skills and independent thinking.

P.S.  In case you forget the lyrics, I'm including a YouTube video of "You Can Take This Job and Shove It" from Johnny Paycheck.  Now you're ready for the party!

© 2008-2009 - All Rights Reserved Stacey Mamasaid D.

The Yoplait Kids Contest Winners Announced!

Today we are announcing the winners of the Yoplait Kids Contest, compliments of Venusity and My Blog Spark.  I buy Yoplait kids yogurt because it is healthy, tasty and my children love it!  I even enjoy the taste and sneak one or two myself when they are at school.  Shh, don't tell!

In my previous post Free Yoplait Kids Yogurt, Traveler Cooler, Fun Spoon, Placemat and Puzzle, I discussed the cool prizes 2 lucky participants will receive.  Without further ado, here are the 2 winners of the Yoplait Kids Contest:  Dnbuster and Cyndi B.  Congratulations to the winners!

Venusity would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for entering and wish you all a happy holiday season!

Check out this creative commercial for Yoplait and how a little girl manages to get a taste of the little boy's yogurt:

Free Yoplait Kids Yogurt, Travel Cooler, Fun Spoon, Place Mat and Puzzle!

My latest contest thanks to My Blog Spark gives away free Yoplait kids yogurt coupons, travel cooler, fun spoon, place mat and fuzzy puzzle to 2 lucky readers! It's a quick contest so hurry to enter. Winners will be chosen and announced by the end of Saturday, December 12, 2009.

Are you searching for a snack for the kids that tastes good and is good for them? Yoplait Kids yogurt is the perfect solution with 25% less sugar than the leading kids´ yogurt. With its thick and creamy texture that will hug your little one´s spoon, you won´t have to worry about a sticky mess to clean up afterwards. It also contains no artificial sweeteners or flavors, so you can feel good about serving it to your kids.

In addition, Yoplait Kids is a good source of vitamin D and, according to two new studies that provide the first national assessment of the crucial nutrient in young Americans, millions of U.S. children have disturbingly low vitamin D levels, possibly increasing their risk for a variety of health concerns, including bone problems. About 7.6 million children, adolescents, and young adults have vitamin D levels so low they could be considered deficient. It can be challenging for growing kids to get enough vitamin D because this nutrient is only found naturally in very few foods; however Yoplait Kids makes it a little easier to incorporate a delicious source of vitamin D and calcium in your child´s diet.

The lucky winners will receive a coupon* for any of the Yoplait Kids yogurt products along with a Yoplait Less Sugar, More Fun prize pack. Perfect for accompanying this fun afternoon snack, the Yoplait Less Sugar, More Fun prize pack includes coupon for a Yoplait Kids yogurt, a travel cooler (to take your yogurt on-the-go), a fun spoon that changes colors in warm water, a reusable place mat with games to keep the kids happy while snacking, and a fuzzy tangle puzzle for some after-snack fun.

Thanks to My Blog Spark and Yoplait, I am giving away 2 prize packages by December 12. You have to be in it to win it, so send me an email at getintowin@gmail.com with "Yoplait Kids" in the subject line and your name.

*This coupon offer for a free six pack of Yoplait Kids yogurt is not valid in some states, including Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Jersey, North Dakota and Tennessee.